by Smark Rocco

Everyone has stand out memories – the first time you rode yir bike without stabilisers, that special birthday, but I remember watching telly on a Saturday at 4 o’clock in the late ‘80s, when Salvatore Bellomo came to the ring looking pretty nervous, then the jungle drums started, and this BEAST came down the aisle, wearing an African mask and shrunken heads round his neck. It was a squash match, but the pace was about double what went on in the British matches at that time, and Kamala won with only one fall! This was me away – Poundstretcher got in WWF thumb wrestlers & the big John Menzies in Edinburgh stocked the WWF magazine. I would have been gutted to hear Kamala’s real name was James Harris & had probably never been to Uganda.

It’s like being told Santa’s not real. For me, it was some wee erse when I was 5 or 6 who told me that it’s yir Mum & Dad, but I didn’t believe any of it. This disbelief went on for a couple of years, when I started thinking that maybe there’s not a magic man in a fluffy red suit who squeezes down yir chimney, but it was way better to try to believe it was all real. This about sums up wrestling for me – I was off my feet at Wrestlemania VIII when the Ultimate Warrior returned to save the Hulk Hogan from Papa Shango & Sid Justice, I tore my Jake Roberts poster aff the wall when he turned on the Warrior in ’91. These days, I’d have read internet reports that Jim Hellwig had been seen in Titan Towers a week before the Hulkster’s match.

Back in the day, the Corn Exchange in Cupar, Fife used to host wrestling every now and again, with the big stars from the British circuit involved. I saw Big Daddy, bought a picture (probably for aboot a fiver) & got it signed backstage, then a year later, met Giant Haystacks in the same venue. When I went back for a signing for him, he shouted at all the bairns & generally looked grumpy all night. It would have been so disappointing if he was nice.. Me & the bairn took in a few PBW events in Paisley a couple of years back. They hit just the right tone with the faces on the way out of the venue signing autographs & the baddies moping just outside the door. Jack Jester deserves praise for his pained expression when Davey Blaze nudged him to pose for a photo with me & my son.

It takes effort to keep up kayfabe now. The ICW are leading the way in the current climate, with the Chris Renfrew & Grado using Facebook to air videos of what was probably close to their opinions (Renfrew calling Grado a show pony who didn’t understand the business, then Grado responding, saying he was an international star, while Renfrew was stuck in Glasgow). The feud between Lionheart & Joe Hendry again was stunningly played, with Lionheart’s overzealous heel work leading to their match stopping early due to a ‘real’ injury, him then apologising ‘off script’ that has now lead to a double face/heel turn, with Hendry turning his back on the ungrateful fans. This was a mind twister for the keyboard warriors who look too deeply into social media pre-event & almost made solely for 30 plus guys who spend too much time watching wrestling & posting about wrestlers, who this time, weren’t sure if it was real or not…

So, looking back, maybe it is possible for wrestling to be as much for an older audience as it is for bairns, it just needs to be have labyrinthine plot twists to keep all the internet nerds happy. Or maybe we just need to sit back in our folding chairs & enjoy the show.