(Editors Note: you know what you get when you hire Snapmare Necks? Review of gala shows, because creativity is a concept that you can’t fit into a pretty square box.)

Reviewing a gala show eh. Never before has anyone seen the like of it. Gala shows are supposed to be a bit throwaway. A bit of fun, where prospective wrestlers can debut, established wrestlers can maybe try a character they’ve always wanted to try but usually cant because the character they usually do is already over with the crowd. It can even be a chance to try and perfect the art of suplexing someone on a merry go round as it… well… merrily goes around. Point is, it’s not really a thing that needs journalism. Lucky for all of you, I am not a journalist.

This gala show was no throwaway pile of nonsense though. It was the first show for Grassroots Wrestling and hilariously it literally took place on some grass… which you would presume had to have some roots. Poetic eh? Kirkintilloch is the place that made some of the finest talents in Scottish wrestling so its only right the people of Kirky got to know those people. Like the MC for the afternoon, and co-owner of the company, world renowned fierce female Sammie Jo and also some idiot who done the music for the show who also once interviewed Mick Foley. The other co-owner, Matt Daly, isn’t from Kirky but resides there now much to the disdain of the locals because as this show proved, Matt Daly is a bad bad man. A ‘wanker’ to quote several people aiming their eyes at him. He would also later that day be known as ‘the guy Ravie Davie battered’ by some local weans but the reason for that will become more apparent later on. We do our reviews in the order the show happened around here or we don’t do them at all.

The show kicked off with Big Ross Hauser taking on Grassroots trainer and another resident of Kirky, the boldest of all the street rats Manlon. Speaking as a formerly homeless man, I can attest that Manlon has the kind of menacing unpredictablility that does such a gimmick proud. He looks like the type of wrestler that would stab an opponent mid chinlock then offer him a snout and a beer to recover from the trauma. Big Ross on the other hand is the prototype for what a wrestler should be. Fucking unimaginably huge for a start. I’d been in the presence of Big Ross before but you don’t realise how huge he is until you stand right next to him. It was a bit like the first time meeting Drew McIntyre. He says hello to you and the sound doesn’t actually reach you for about 5 seconds because he’s so far above you. Big Ross chose to combat Manlon’s sneakiness with raw power and clotheslines galore.

It’s a really heartening thing to see how far the big man has come. He gets better every time I see him, and has a really good thing going with Daro as a tag team, but continues to show masses of potential as a singles wrestler as well. He won the match by effectively removing Manlon’s head. A decapitation that would lead to Manlon seeking revenge. After they re-attached his head and all that.

Daro against Daihlan Hendry was up next and was a cracking mesh of styles that led to a very good pro wrestling match. Daro is pure unfiltered energy and enthusiasm and filled the ring with a bit of well harnessed chaos while Daihlan is all deliberation and technical brilliance. They had real chemistry as did Manlon and Big Ross, meaning a tag match happening at some point had to be a possibility. Daihlan insisted his jacket was removed by any peasant who was willing to do it before the match, be it a ref or even a ring announcer, because Daihlan Hendry doesn’t remove his own jacket mate. Techincal wrestling maestro’s just don’t do that. Did Bret Hart ever remove his own jacket? Well… aye. All the time. But Bret Hart is not Daihlan Hendry. Daihlan finished the match off with something hugely technical and impressive called The Lightning Spiral after Manlon interfered and the pair of them decided to batter Daro afterwards. I don’t know if that was a wrestling thing or they owned the speaker Daro accidentally knocked off the apron before the match but either way, Big Ross made the save and a tag match was set for later in the afternoon.

Next up was the debut of Grassroots trainee Angus Blackheart against tried and tested samurai weilding baddie Luke Matthews. Angus Blackheart has been training on and off since 2017 and did not look out of place in his first official match. Luke Matthews done a smashing job getting the crowd to hate him early on. Attempting to wield his big samurai sword as Grassroots co-owner Sammie Jo intervened before Matthews decapitated a child or three. “Its a family show!” was the cry as Matthews attempted to bring old school ECW vibes to the Kirky Gala were thwarted before he extinguished an energised Angus Blackheart with a buzzkick to the head after an entertaining match. Totally not going to mention Angus tripping up during his Ultimate Warrior-esque high energy entrance because he got right back up and played it off like a champ. That’s exactly why we are not mentioning the fact that he tripped at all. As a journalist of good standing it just wouldn’t be right to include something so hilarious in a serious write up like this.

The Wanderer and Frankie Richards were up next, taking on Robert Wishart and Thorin Thermite in tag action. The Wanderer was his usual charismatic self, swaggering into Kirky like he owned the gaff with hat magnificent jaiskit he sports, while Frankie Richards caught they eye with various suplexes and a Sha Samuels-esque look that had me squinting in his direction several times trying to ascertain if it was actually Sha himself. Wishart is one of the best workers in the country and has been for a while, and he was the glue that held it all together as he and Thorin naturally took on the roles of the baddies. The Wanderer and Frankie Richards won, which led to The Wanderer serenading the crowd with his own vocal rendition of his entrance music. The Pack must not like absolutely fantastic tunes for some unknown reason because they decided to jump the boys after the match before throwing out an open challenge that would prove to be an error in judgement considering who it was answered by.

Enter TikTok superstar and general fuckin’ celebrity Ravie Davie. I’m far too irritable for TikTok but I work on building sites and pretty much everyone knows Ravie Davie. Folk who consider wrestling to be a bit daft, might even call it ‘that fake fighting shite’ or words of that ilk, know who Ravie Davie is. Being able to cross over like that is the way you go from appealing to just wrestling fans to people in general. He was teaming with a couple of his top trainees, a tag team know as The Vicious Lads. A play on the very Glesga term VL which describes someone who’s never had a winch. Folk call them VLs, they think it means Vicious Lads because in their eyes, that’s what they are. Vicious as fuck. Renegade Wrex, Draven, and N.O Nathan Oliver a team who gave me major Disciples Of Apocalypse vibes. Although with less bald dudes. None to be precise. The anti-baldy Pack won thanks to some seriously shocking refereeing from co-owner Matt Daly, who was sharing refereeing duties with another of his trainees Kieran. Kieran was professional throughout the afternoon and Daly seemed to be following that party line until an old rivalry with Davie reared its ugly head when it came to the finish. Daly stopped a count destined for three out of sheer bitterness towards Davie and his rampant popularity and gleefully counted the three for The Pack moments later leading to Davie challenging Matt Daly to a falls count anywhere match because in case it this fact had escaped you… Matt Daly really is a bad bad man.

Considering this show was taking place in a park full of gala day madness, falls count anywhere had endless possibilities and opened up the serious prospect of someone actually ending up in the jail. Coppers were present and charged with keeping order for the day, so seeing a guy who for all intents and purposes looks like a ned battering the life out of a man wearing glasses might have ended badly. They quickly made their way into the crowd where Matt Daly was leathered by an angry mob made up of Davie’s followers, before he delivered a suplex on the grass. Only wankers suplex people on the grass, so Daly getting a ‘he’s a wanker’ chant was no accident. The match turned the weans in the audience into something resembling a rabid mob. Anything that gets that much energy out of weans is a winner for parents. That’s how you get bums on seats. Offering a night out that actually shuts the wee bastard up for a few hours. 

Wrestling is really good when it’s done right and you stick Ravie Davie in there with a villain completely committed to being hated, it’s going to be good shit. It was very good shit. The guy writing this shit was sorely tempted to aim a boot at Matt Daly as well as he was battered in every corner in Kirky and the guy writing this considers Matt Daly a good personal friend but my God is he a pain in the arse as a villain. In the best possible way. He had a park full of folk probably not expecting to be glued to a wrestling show wanting to murder him for his devilish ways. Davie won with the middle rope moonsault and from that moment on Matt Daly will always be known as ‘the guy Ravie Davie battered’. That being a fact makes you realise the world is actually awrite sometimes.

The last match before the battle royale finale was the tag match that was booked earlier in the evening between Termination Z (Big Ross and Daro) and Manatuer Wrestling (Daihlan Hendry and Manlon) a match that barely scratched the surface for what these two teams are capable of doing due to time restraints. Galas end when they end mate. There’s nae wiggle room and there was a battle royale to be had, so when Manlon aimed a boot at Angus Blackheart outside the ring as Angus was just minding his business and discussing his match, led to the ring filling up with aw sorts of bodies. Guess we’re having us a battle royale! Kirky native and one of Davies trainees ‘The Bare Knuckle Boxer’ John Shanks was one of first eliminated but got to wrestle on a show in his hometown in front of friends and family which is really what its all about.

Wrestling is supposed to be fun. Scottish wrestling has a better success rate than any small country on the planet for talents going on to big companies and making this a full time living but even at that, it’s still a small percentage of the people who start training who end up there. For most its about realising a dream. It’s about bursting your arse in training to get competent enough that you can be trusted in a wrestling ring. Some folk might not make it beyond a few battle royale appearances and trainee shows. That makes shows like these so vital. Someone in that battle royale might end up in WWE one day. Who knows. But no one who was making their debut or one of their first show appearances will forget that day and that particular battle royale.

Everyone who had been on the show was in the battle royale and a few younger trainees as well. People like ‘The Angel Slayer’ Jynxx, Jay Bee Dub, and ‘The Bare Knuckle Boxer’ will always remember that roasting hot day in Kirky. All of them done themselves proud before a gigantic young trainee of Ravie Davie’s school called Big Finn won it all by last eliminating Robert Wishart. The big man was not told he was winning it which prompted him to ask ‘how did none of yees tell me I was winning it? We keeping secrets now?’ with the biggest grin on his face. That’s what its all about. Big guy clearly has potential but if he decided to pack it in after that battle royale, he’ll never forget the day he rocked up to the Kirky Gala and won it all.

In between all the wrestling a couple of bad bad baddies got soaked with water balloons. All for a good cause as the proceeds from them getting drenched all went to Rookie Rockstars.

Grassroots have their first show you can actually buy tickets for in Lennoxtown on August 5th. Get tickets here. Get several of them. Get some for yer pals. Yer maw. The guy that brings yer chinese to yer door every Friday. Anyone. Do it.