A couple days ago I sent out a call for new writers to join the SWN website. Many responded, with ‘The Natural Twenty’ Duke Cannon sending the following tweet:
I opened my emails this morning and received the following message from Mr Cannon:
I have decided to share an excerpt from my new novel and was wondering if you would like to post it as a preview on your fine website. I am already in talks about a film adaptation and I think I can convince Skully to read the audiobook version. Let me know if you want a signed copy
Before I show you what Duke Cannon sent to me, I must let you know that this has been copied and pasted with no edits.
Viewer discretion is advised.
Billy Strachan and the Ork Warboss
A sexy warhammer slash fiction by Duke Cannon
At this point in his career, Billy was a Veteran interviewer. He interviewed all the stalwarts and trailblazers of the Scottish wrestling scene but he felt unfulfilled. Had he peaked? No, of course not. This was the year of Billy, baby and nothing was going to stop him. He just needed to find the right guest. He started to seek out more unusual people to appear on the SWN podcast. Cryptozoologists, doomsday preppers, the man who screamed at the milk in the big tesco in Elgin, Stevie Wizard. Each guest was more unhinged than the last.
Still, he pressed on in his mission to interview the strangest beings known to man. This was how he came about to learning of a particularly interesting potential guest. The tip off came from Duke Cannon, a trustworthy and rather dashing confidante of Billy. He was told of a being unlike any other that has been hurled through time from the 41 st millennium where there is only war. When asked how he came to know of this information, Duke only had one thing to say. “what’s with all the questions. What are you, a cop?”
Despite his forthcoming about Billys inquisitive nature, Duke set up a liason between the two and it was agreed to take place at Billys house. This meant that Billy not only scored a major exclusive interview but he was getting to do it in person.
Billy had just hit record on the recording software like he had so many times before “So, why don’t you tell our listeners about yourself”
The large Ork that somehow managed to navigate its way to Billy’s bedroom leaned towards his microphone. “I iz Gronkthrang Boneinserter, da warboss of da Meat Slappaz”
“Wow, what a coincidence” Billy replied “where I’m from, the desolate War-torn realm of Elgin, I spend my days writing about big meaty men who slap Meat.”
Gronkthrang was taken aback. “You mean you iz into Meat slapping as well?!” he exclaimed
Billy reassured his gargantuan interviewee “Indeed, I jest not”
The Ork felt a new found fondness for his gratious host. “I haz never met a humie who’s inta slappin Meat before…” Gronkthrang trailed off slightly
Billy gazed into Gronkthrangs Eyes, “well, I’ve never met an Ork who was into it either…
”There was a silence, thick with sensual tension. “would you…” Gronkthrang hesitated “would you ever slap Meat… wif an Ork?”
“Oh Gronkthrang” Billy swooned and threw himself into the huge muscular arms of the gigantic warboss
*insert explicit and aggressive meat slapping*
Thank you Duke.
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