No Kinky? No Party! The History of The Kinky Party [Uncensored] Part Two

By Louise Westie
Twitter

 

2018 – The Breakout Year of The Kinky Party

2018 was the breakout year for The Kinky Party, as the year kicked off with a massive ten-man tag at ICW Fight Club – It’s Always Raining In Glasgow – (ft Lionheart, Jack Jester, Sha Samuels, Aaron Echo and Kenny Williams) vs (Stevie Boy, Lewis Girvan, Aspen Faith, Lou King Sharp and Krieger) which they won.

The Biggest Fight Club Taping

After the number one contenders match between Jester and James Storm at the Square Go, it looked like The Kinky Party had fallen out after, Sha was behind him and Jester accidentally knocked Sha down and Sha went off in the huff. This was resolved the following night at The Biggest Fight Club taping ever. Sha came out first and addressed the ICW mafia, about time they made some noise, he could tell they’re hungover (which was true cause the majority of the ICW Mafia – me included were out partying the night before), and that the best cure for a hangover was to get to the bar and to get totally steaming. For those who were aware at The Square Go, what went on between him and Jack and summoned Jester to the ring so he could address him to his face. Jester soon appeared with a bottle of water (still hungover) and got into the ring.

Sha said to Jester that what he did last night when he tried to console him after he lost, he pushed him on his arse. Jester admitted that Sha had snuck up behind him. Jester tried not to laugh when Sha openly admitted that his arse was bruised. Sha proceeded to tell Jester that he embarrassed him, he hurt his ego, he hurt his pride and he hurt his hip (and his arse). He told Jester straight that when they first started tagging he couldn’t stand him as his kind and Jester’s kind didn’t mix – Jester had his ways, Sha had his, and they started reminiscing about Benidorm, the dwarfs, Blue Lagoons, and Sticky Vicky (that sounded like an orgy to be fair. Plus, Sticky Vicky wasn’t dead). They bonded and Sha considers Jester his partner – his tag team partner, telling the crowd to grow up. More importantly, he considered him a friend, and friends are hard to find and to show how much he means to him, he’s going to do something he’s never done before, and he wants him to be his first , he’s not a man’s man, he never apologizes because he thinks always right and never admits when he’s wrong. Jester wanted him to say sorry, but Sha has never said that to anyone before in his life. Sha eventually apologized, he’s got a surprise for him, he was saving it for a special occasion, in time for their tag title match on their anniversary. So, Sha brought out the official photographer who brought out their matching signature jackets because Jester likes all that stuff. When he asked him if he liked it, Jester’s response was he didn’t like it… he loved it. Unfortunately, though it was too late, and he handed the jacket back and said that Sha was right that this team was never meant to work and that it was fun while it lasted and walked off.

However, a miracle came in the shape of Drew Galloway, who appeared at the entrance way and frog-marched Jester back down the ramp and into the ring. Addressing The Kinky Party, Drew told them that they were the last beacon of hope at ICW and without them, ICW would have been a very dark place. He watched the show, he smiled. The fans watch the show, they smile and have a good time. That’s what this job is all about, having a laugh with your mates, they don’t just want them back together, ICW needs them to make up right now. Drew then proceeded to tell them that because he came out, Dunc nearly had an aneurysm and they’d spent so much money on Drew’s entrance (pyro, the choir and the trained budgie etc) and that was because they didn’t make up. A handshake wasn’t going to do it and they were going to have to hug it out. Sha opened his arms and they embraced in a Chandler/Joey from Friends style hug. The Kinky Party then stayed in the ring for Drew McIntyre’s introduction into the ICW Hall of Fame.

The Feud with The POD – The Biggest Fight Club Taping

The next wrestling feud was with the POD which kicked off at the biggest Fight Club taping ever after
The Square Go, when POD had their reign, and their manager The Wee Man challenged any tag team – The Kinky Party answered!

However, The POD’S manager, The Wee Man who spoke for them started to wind up the boys by saying that they weren’t an actual tag team because they got some matching jackets out of Kit-Kat wrappers. Sha interrupted by asking where Jester’s was (as he didn’t have his on) with Jester claiming his was far too big for him and Sha reminded him that it was the thought that counts, calling him a Mug.

The Wee Man proceeded by claiming how dare they think that they could come out and put themselves forward for challenging for the ICW Tag Team Championship belts, asking them who they thought they were, asking if The POD saw The Kinky Party win a number one contenders match, was that on velocity as he wasn’t watching. He went on further by saying that according to his sources, that the only thing that Jack Jester defeated recently was Herpes and that as he was aware, that opponent has a nasty way of making a surprise return and to Sha Samuels. See The Kinky Party as a tag team unit, it’s a lot like all Cockney’s in general – they just don’t work! Finishing off by saying that they can come out and challenge for the belts when they have earned it.

Sha quickly took the mic, claiming that it was enough with the fun and games as Sha and Jester were on the same page, and if they had to go through a thousand tag teams, to get a shot at them titles, he promised all the fans – ain’t no mountain high enough – and they were not going to stop until they get them tag team championships.

Jester started to sniff the air asking if we could smell that and he thinks that’s the smell of the ICW Tag Team Champions shitting themselves. No Kinky, no party! Proceeding to wind up the tag champs, showing no fear.

Frankie Goes To Holyrood

In Edinburgh, after The POD had a match with Age of Orion (Michael Chase and Theo Doros), The Wee Man claimed there wasn’t a tag team in ICW, no the world who deserved a shot, followed by chants of “No Kinky, No Party.”, followed by their theme music and The Kinky Party appearing.

There was only one team that they can face – Jack Jester, Sha Samuels, – The Kinky Party. Sha had a brilliant idea and asked where was The Kinky Party born – Newcastle and wanted it to go full circle.

Imagine the birth place of The Kinky Party, and The Kinky Party became tag team champions and if Rampage had the minerals it would be Kinky Party vs Rampage and his little Muggy son!

Jester took over saying that they might think that they are just a couple of dafties, who travel around Britain, drinking, partying, and just being a couple of best pals. After the crowd started chants of “kiss” Jester said he was up for it. The POD would be right, but they weren’t asking for a title shot in Newcastle, (taking the piss out of The Wee Man), they were TELLING them they have got a tag title shot in Newcastle, No Kinky? No Party!

However, POD wasn’t going to take that without a fight, they had even gone as far as to take out the official Kinky Party photographer and The Kinky Party, even using the photographer’s camera to take photos humiliating The Kinky Party in the process.

Before the next show, The Kinky Party cut a promo on how The Kinky Party is all about having a laugh, having fun and getting drunk, they mugged off him, they mugged off Big Kink and they mugged off their camera guy (who was the guy again? Terrance, Frank?). It was not about having a laugh anymore; it’s about taking care of business. Jester stepped with how this is the point where he tells Sha to calm down and to stop being such an angry cockney bastard, but he was right, it was personal and the fun and game are over. April 1st, The Kinky Party become Kinky Business!

April

Angry after what happened in Edinburgh, as The Kinky Party didn’t have a match, they turned up at Fight Club with a score to settle. They turned up to surprise The Wee Man after he called them out and with the contracts signed, there was a special clause in that contracts stating that neither team could touch each other until the match, or their match would be off. Once The POD was out of sight, Wee Man made the big mistake of winding up The Kinky Party claiming that POD was gonna end their careers and telling Sha that he’d better check that Asda were still hiring. Also, he knew what sort of entertainment Jester was into, and that The POD was gonna punish him so badly that Jester was going to have to resist the urge to have a wank and there was nothing that they can do. Even going as far as calling Jack Jester a joke! When Jester put his hands on The Wee Man, who reminded him “no touching.” BUT Jester reminded him, that he heard what he said “they can’t touch us.” And “we can’t touch them! But you (Wee Man) on the other hand…” which resulted in a slap from Sha and a tombstone piledriver from Jester. The POD rushed in, but at the end of the day, there was nothing Sha wanted more than to come out and have a fight, but Sha let them have it, telling them, that POD were hiding behind their muggy manager’s stipulation, cause they were a couple of pussy’s and a couple of fake hard men, and not to confuse them for making people laugh, them having fun as weakness cause at the end of the day, he was Jack fucking Jester and he was Sha fucking Samuels.

They had been mugging people off up and down the country for 15 years and were the original
bastards, and in Newcastle, they were gonna take them belts, and bring them back home to Glasgow
and have the biggest piss up ever! Then Sha got him and Jester to crowd surf to the bar!

ICW Fight Club – Newcastle 2018

When ICW returned to Newcastle on April 15th , The Kinky Party defeated POD and The Kinky Party were fighting champions ever since!

After winning the belts, Sha told everyone that since Jester came into his life, he lit a fire under him, and he made him a winner again, it’s the best thing, that ever happened to him as a professional wrestler and that he loved him. They then crowd surfed and partied into the night.

ICW Barramania – The Kinky Party Begin Their Reign

At Barramania 4, The Kinky Party’s first tag team title defence as new champions was a four-way match against The Purge (Stevie James and Krobar) vs Sons of Ulaid (Rory Coyle and Screwface) and Kings of Catch (Aspen Faith and Lewis Girvan).

Luckily Sha’s pint was empty when he threw it into the crowd, because it just missed me. But he saw me and I was like, “never mind me, just go, go, go!”.

After the match, they then crowd surfed to the bar.

Ready Player Wan – The Kinky Party vs The Marauders/Feud with ALPHA/EVIL Begins

Their next feud was with Alpha Evil (Bram and Iestyn Rees) during Kinky Party’s match with The Marauders (Mike Bird and Wild Boar) at ICW Ready Player Wan. Alpha Evil interrupted mid match and laid into The Kinky Party after ejecting Bird and Boar and left Kinky Party lying in the ring.

ICW Drunk & Drunker

Before the match with PDB, Sha was backstage looking for Alpha Evil, followed by Jester who was trying to get Sha to relax and to shut his eyes and take him to his happy place. Picture this they were in a dark room and a tv and on that screen appears the mouth of a beautiful lady, with red lipstick and beautiful white teeth and from one corner of the screen is a big crunchy green stick which she puts in her mouth (Jester started making crunchy noises and that put Sha off). So, they were in a stables and Jester’s hand came in and he feeds that horse a big fistful of polo mints. The icing on the cake for Sha was ‘scampi fries’ and ‘pork scratchings’ and his favourite ‘prawn cocktail crisps.’ Works every time.

The Kinky Party vs Pure Dead Brilliant (Lou King Sharp and Krieger) and The Kinky Party even had matching red and black gear and new Kinky Party music.

The match in itself was hilarious, due to Lou taking on Sha. There was a moment where Jester even purpled Krieger. There was also a ChuckleVision reference as Kinky Party put PDB through a table via the cactus elbow. After winning their match, both boys then crowd surfed through the crowd.

Shug’s Hoose Party 5 – Night One

Before the match, The Kinky Party came out with the new ICW Tag Team belts.

The match itself was brutal and Jester had even brought his corkscrew, and was busted open by Bram while Iestyn and Sha fought each other (there was a moment when Bram dived from the speakers and onto the table and through Jester and my first thought was “Oh my god, he’s broken Jester!”).

The Kinky Party retained after a botched Doomsday machine and a slap from Martina and Jester taking the pin on Iestyn.

Terminator 2.5 – It’s Yersel

Before the match, Kinky Party and Grado done a segment where Grado was just back from Maga and had to choose new music from twenty thousand songs and there must be something he liked and The Kinky Party had to help him. They agreed that the first one was crap and the second was shite and Sha called Grado a diva and that he was back two minutes and was winding Sha up. The third song was garbage and continued to go through music. The third tune they looked at was punk metal and Sha didn’t like it. Jester then played a tune that The Kinky Party liked, but Grado didn’t. They went through nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine songs and Grado hadn’t picked one and that the last one had better be a belter and Grado gave up.

The match itself was funny before it had even started as Grado had put on Jester’s choker.

At one point, Lou King Sharp had taken his belt off and whipped it around like the Karate Kid, you could see Jester’s face at one point, struggling not to laugh. This resulted in Jester pulling Lou’s trousers down, revealing half of Lou’s bum to the ICW Mafia. Even going as far as giving Lou a much-needed spanking (you could literally hear it echoing around the Garage) and while the match was going on, Lou didn’t have his belt on. The Kinky Party won their match.

Singles Matches

The Kinky Party cut a promo, where Sha was looking for a lighter and because they were having singles matches, Sha against Iestyn and Jester against Bram, Sha was nervous. Jester promised to always be there and got him a drink of some Brawbeard beer and Sha wanted to get steaming with Jester telling us (the audience) that he loved that man.

Sha unfortunately lost the match due to some interference.

Later, Grado had summoned The Kinky Party to tell them that he had picked his music… but his music was The Kinky Party’s music.

The Kinky Party done a promo with Grado backstage as Jester was lacing up his boots ahead of match with Bram and Sha wanted Jester to have his match and then up the road for a few pints. Then Grado came in asking for advice on how to deal with James Storm. When Sha left, Jester advised Grado to let Storm know who he was and not to let him forget.

Jester unfortunately lost the match due to some interference.

Get Him To The Union

At their next match, Kinky Party faced The Fite Network in Glasgow. After the match, Sha took the microphone and wanted to tell the fans the truth and a confession to make and now was the right time and that Sha and Jester have never been to university, Sha left school at 14 to become a butcher and Jester left school at 16 to become a shagger (if you know, you know) Jester told Sha off as his mum’s got On Demand (sorry Mrs Jester), anyway end of the day, they may not have been students but they can drink like students. They asked for a beer and for everyone to raise their glasses and raised a toast to 12 insane years of ICW.

Fight Club – vs The Purge

When ICW returned to the Garage before France ’99, Kinky Party faced The Purge. However, before that, The Kinky Party rushed out to the ring to come to the aid of Lionheart who was fighting with Jackie Polo.

(The match itself started with Sha insisting that the match would not begin, (again) until The Kinky Party had their beers).

After the match, Jester started to crowd surf and before Sha could, Iestyn ran into the ring and laid into Sha as Jester returned and he took both boys down, confirming the match for the Hydro.

France ’99

At France ’99, The Kinky Party were the official hosts for the show before Fear and Loathing XI. Sha came out alone to chants of “where is Jack?” and Sha had a surprise for us, but first things first, the secret would not be revealed until Sha Samuels finishes his drink. As he downed his beer, Jester’s voice came over on the speakers, “you dirty big bastard!” followed by “What?” then Jester saying “What you mean? Your drinking without me, that’s what.” Sha lied that he wasn’t but Jester caught him out by saying that he could see him, as he was standing behind the monitor backstage. Trying to be clever, Sha stuck two fingers up and said that if could see him, what was he doing, Jester’s response was that he’d bite those fingers off (and he would do it). Now Jester had his fun and Sha told him to come out, Jester said listen, he promised him that they would both be dressed the same (I shuddered to think what he’d done) and Sha showed up in his trackies, and that he wasn’t coming out. Sha insisted that if he wasn’t going to come out for him, then he should come out to the ICW Mafia, but stated that it was about time he came out, and Jester’s response was “oh aye right, just cause you canny pull off hoop earring and long hair.” Finally, after chants of “Jack” from the fans, he came out.

Jester came out all right, he was wearing the Brazilian football strip, but he had the shin guards on his arms and was wearing Rangers socks. Sha praised the clothes as Jester looked like a proper bloke. After the mixed reaction, Jester’s words were “Do you honestly think I dressed myself?” Jester asked (I did not get the big man’s shoe joke as it must be a football thing). Sha asked why Jester chose the Brazilian shirt and his response was because he loves Brazilians (aye, I bet he does!) plus it goes with the Tenant’s cans. After downing the cans, both boys took the microphone and said what a show they have lined up before ICW’s biggest show of the year and what a year it has been for ICW. After a hollowed out French loaf, The Kinky Party went through a list of highlights and tonight was the night the home of ICW and got steaming!

Fear & Loathing XI

The night of Fear & Loathing XI had arrived, and it all happened with a promo – Jester and Sha were running late sitting outside a bus stop, telling folk they were on their way. That it was Jester’s fault they were late, Jester asked what he was wearing and Sha’s response was camouflage and Jester told Sha to get off as he looked ridiculous and that he wasn’t going anywhere with them looking like that. So, the pair decided to run for it, (but not before Sha decided to pop into the La Cala bar for a quick sneaky pint). The pair ran through the streets of Glasgow in their ring gear like Batman and Robin in the freezing rain and they stopped for a breather, when they managed to wrangle a lift from a stranger who thought one of them was Grado! They made it to the Hydro in time (almost) as Sha kind of got stuck as the car was a two door. They had arrived at the big clock, but there wasn’t any time to stare at the time as they were running late!

After the match, which The Kinky Party won, The POD cashed in their tag title briefcase which they won earlier on in the show, and The Kinky Party lost the tag team titles.

Brush Another Goose

It was the last show of the year before Christmas break and The Kinky Party were getting their tag title match against The POD.

They cut a promo with Veronica backstage, Sha said it was the best experience and that it was the highest of highs and the lowest of lows that they had in that building seeing all the fans, cheering no kinky, no party, shouting east, and they had the fight of their lives against Alpha Evil. The two toughest bastards in ICW, but they didn’t get the win, Sha was buzzing out of his nut and all of a sudden, POD cash in while they were down, and took their tag titles away from them. Until December 2nd , the only thing that Jester wanted for Christmas, was for Sha to get the handlebar moustache back (but that wasn’t going to happen according to Sha) but that didn’t matter, because the only thing that Jester wanted, what The Kinky Party wanted for Christmas was for them is to get their tag team titles back – no Kinky? No party!

The Wee Man who had accompanied POD to the ring, insulted Jester by saying the he hears that Pirates
of the Caribbean are looking for a new Captain Jack Sparrow by the way, calling him a big swashbuckling
fuck and insulting Sha Samuels’ body hair. He’s sure to play Bageerah in a Jungle Book Sequel and
that doesn’t matter because the point is after tonight, not only are The Kinky Party cancelled, but so
was Christmas – ba-fucking-humbug!

Before the match, Sha interrupted Simon who said that the tag title match would not commence until
The Kinky Party had finished their drinks.

The POD won unfortunately, but that wouldn’t stop The Kinky Party…

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