DON’T READ THIS REVIEW IF YOU WANT TO KEEP IT A MYSTERY. THE FULL SHOW IS AVAILABLE ON MYSTERY WRESTLING’S PATREON NOW
Welcome to my first full Mystery Wrestling experience to watch 29.5 that was held at the Church of Wrestling in Glasgow. Mystery Wrestling has a massive reputation for a menagerie of meta madness and this was their debut in Scotland as part of a massive week of international wrestling in the UK. I was excited to see what it was all about and what mysterious would unfold. Evil Uno and Jon Cruz were on commentary as Magic Dave opened the show with a foursome of hooded figures to reveal the competitors for the opening contest.
Fatal Four Way – London Lightning defeated The Big Strong Man, Krieger, and Nick Justice by pinfall.
The Big Strong Man orgasmed his way through a big strong test of strength with everyone who didn’t really want part of it. BSM set his sights Krieger for a solo test of strength that didn’t work out well… next was an arm wrestle with Nick Justice as BSM went 0-3. Lightning offered an arm that sent BSM chasing his tail. The Big Strong Man removed his singlet in rage to reveal another BSM singlet underneath.
Krieger and London Lightning went at it with a breakneck exchange until Krieger found himself in position for some Shattered Dreams. Justice intervened to hand out a fine to Lightning and take him out with a Death Valley Driver. Nick Justice and Krieger had a great back and forth with Justice hitting a rebound lariat, a second lariat collided with London Lightning who had the same idea to leave all three on the canvas. BSM picked up the scraps for three consecutive one counts as he declared himself the winner, to receive clotheslines in return from his three opponents.
BSM got sent corner to corner by London Lightning for elbow and boots from Justice and Krieger respectively before finally countering to send London into the big sexy boot of Krieger. Nick Justice cuffed BSM who broke out of them for a capture suplex and fire up to reveal a third BSM singlet that become and orange and black blur to spear Krieger which was aimed for London Lightning. Lightning set up for Shattered Dreams but The Big Strong Man jumped in to kick Justice in the crotch himself.
A twisted elevated neckbreaker into a pin from London Lightning gave The Big Strong Man a big strong loss.
It was nice to see Krieger, who had fantastic tussle with London Lightning and Nick Justice respectively. The focal point of the match was The Big Strong Man who was silliness personified and had all the outlandish moments that were delivered to the crowd well. It also helped that it was in front of his home crowd at the Church of Wrestling so the majority of the audience knew what The Big Strong Man is all about.
Count Out Only – Ravie Davie defeated Cecil Nyx by count out.
Davie and Nyx locked up, which continued to the outside as Sean Moran’s count began. At the count of nine both broke it up to rush back in the ring. Cecil pantsed Davie who scuttled over for a sunset flip that Moran caught himself mid pin count. Nyx sent Davie through the entrance to the venue and wedged a broom in the door. Davie somehow ran around the Church to get in at 9.99 for the match to continue.
Both men headed to the turnbuckles for a superplex that turned into Cecil Nyx hanging Davie onto the ring post via his tights for an atomic wedgie, and with the help of some fans, Davie was helped back into the ring to break the count, however, he ended up in the path of a corner splash from Cecil. Davie sent Nyx out and paid his son to be taped to Cecil and keep him outside of the ring. Cecil paid more to employ him as Davie got double teamed instead. Once the tape was broken Nyx drove the boy into a seated Ravie Davie which I imagine would terminate the arrangement going forward.
As the lad crawled back to his seat, Sean Moran ended up knocked down with Davie being sent out of the ring. The limp arm of Moran, via Nyx, got to a count of nine but Davie made it back in as the fight headed up into the balcony of the Church. After a back and forth, Davie ended up dropping off the apron Lion King style to be caught by the ring crew waiting below, an unharmed Davie rushed back into the ring as Cecil Nyx realised his error. Nyx rushed down the stairs but tripped over millimetres from the ring as Sean reached the count of ten.
Pure ridiculousness but somehow it was engaging and entertaining. The exhaustion of Cecil Nyx from the reveal of the stipulation to the conclusion was fantastic, it’s like he’s just too polite to say no and is dragged along for the shenanigans against his will. Davie was game to ham it up to the max and the finish was very creative with the rules in play. Good stuff.
Three Way – Street Meat Express (Haddy & Top Dog) defeated Fresh Air (Junior Benito & Macrae Martin), and No Nonsense (Stu Grayson & James Stone) by pinfall.
James Stone wasn’t impressed by the wiener antics of Top Dog. Haddy tagged in for a little bit of a flurry but was soon being clobbered by Stone. Macrae Martin was next to square up as Stu Grayson got in for a hard hitting exchange with Macrae bringing Junior Benito to pick up the pace. Tags were slapping all over with the match slowing down as Haddy got isolated by No Nonsense, who pasted the snack salesman in their corner.
A capture suplex from Haddy took down Grayson as Benito got the tag and once again tried to get the match into a higher gear. No Nonsense once again put a stop to the momentum of the match and drove Junior Benito down with a delayed vertical suplex. Benito tried to make it to Macrae but was caught in mid air by the legs by Stu Grayson which was timed to perfection. Macrae eventually got in and threw James Stone with a killer spinebuster. Everyone was sent to outside the ring with Top Dog and throwing his hot dog mascot towards a bemused No Nonsense it was enough for them to miss seeing Junior Benito diving over the ring post onto them.
As the mayhem continued in the ring, Grayson came in hard with a knee to send Benito inside out as No Nonsense hit him with an assisted Tombstone but Haddy snuck in a blind tag to nullify a pin attempt. Street Meat Express sent No Nonsense into each other with a mascot assisted diving wiener headbutt for Benito to be pinned.
Other than Stu Grayson the rest of the competitors were of a complete unknown to me. There was a lot of action, three teams with clear dynamics and character that was quickly established within the match. Junior Benito was a particular stand out with the pace changing as soon as he entered the fray. A entertaining and fast flowing dance.
Mark Davis defeated Isla Dawn by pinfall.
Mark Davis easily overpowered Isla Dawn in the early going with Dawn ducking a chop to grab a headlock and get some momentum on her side. After a selection of kicks, the left knee was focused on to keep Davis down with a basement meteora follow up. As Mark Davis returned to his feet he connected with the chop and a Senton with Isla Dawn having to survive slams and a running punch into the corner. Dawn kept her hand in to dip, dive, and dodge Mark Davis, to find a way to deliver a tornado DDT for a near fall.
Isla tried to lift Davis but crumpled under the weight, Dawn escaped a powerslam to take her to the apron but couldn’t avoid a superplex. Dawn kept coming, a head scissor into another tornado DDT followed by a Shining Wizard had Davis reeling. Isla continued to keep going, raising a shoulder up after a big clothesline, and diving out take the fight to Dunkzilla. A piledriver on the outside had Isla Dawn barely return to the ring in time. Davis went for a Gutwrench Piledriver that was spun into a pin attempt for two, Isla continued to keep the momentum for a couple Shining Wizards and a meteora from the top turnbuckle.
Dawn kicked out of another lariat but had no answer to a Gutwrench Piledriver to give Mark Davis the win.
A hell of a competitive match with Isla Dawn looking like a terminator that just would not die. The crowd bit on the near falls and were hyped for Isla who put on a gutsy performance, in one of the best matches I’ve seen from Isla in recent memory. It’s like she gained a buff from being in Glasgow to become superhuman against the colossal Mark Davis and the crowd were beside themselves with excitement when Isla kicked out. A great match.
Jake Doyle defeated Psycho Mike by pinfall.
Psycho Mike had a mental crash out when Jake Doyle was announced as unslammable by Magic Dave. Mike tried to catch Doyle unaware but he couldn’t slam the unslammable. Psycho Mike got the best of a shoulder tackle battle as he called for the bodyslam which failed as Jake Doyle sent Mike flying out of the ring with tackle. A quick trip to ringside had Doyle punching Mike around but Pyscho Mike stomped Doyle to unconsciousness as the match returned to between the ropes. Jake was revived to avoid the bodyslam as the pair met for some stalemate stereo clotheslines over and over until they both collapsed to the mat with arms being draped over the other for a trio of two counts.
Mike found himself body checked by Doyle who rammed his shoulder into the stomach of Psycho Mike. Mike stopped a piledriver with a low blow with a second delivered for some flair. Mike got Magic Dave to announce that Jake Doyle was in fact slammable as Doyle begged off but he was sent into a ripcord bodyslam. A second bodyslam entered Jake Doyle’s life but he managed to counter a third to land on top of Psycho Mike for the count of three.
I love Psycho Mike. The pure commitment from start to finish was hilarious and the drama over a body slam was perfection. Jake Doyle played his role fantastically to maintain some seriousness but when the time was called for antics he delivered. Psycho Mike was my first real reference to Mystery Wrestling in my life via social media and it was a blast to see that wide eyed madman do his stuff in Glasgow of all places was a highlight of the night.
Marina Shafir defeated Dreya Mitchell by submission.
Shafir jockeyed Mitchell to the canvas immediately as she looked to keep Dreya on defense. Dreya wriggled her way out with Marina tripping Mitchell and taking a break on the outside. Shafir had the advantage with the grappling with Dreya Mitchell switching to high impact strikes and an overhead throw to have Shafir scrambling to recover. Mitchell drove her foot into the face of Marina and a hard spinebuster collected a near fall with Dreya weakening Marina enough to take control of the wrist of Shafir.
Marina bided her time to take Mitchell over with a judo throw who kept up with strikes to wear down Dreya Mitchell. A big kick was caught by Mitchell as she suplexed Shafir down. Dreya gathered a head of steam but was tripped and was quickly locked into Mother’s Milk for the tap out.
There is an aura of danger with Marina Shafir, she isn’t the flashiest or cleanest wrestler but she looks like an absolute bad ass and maintains that reputation that has come over from her MMA experience by taking the match down into a fight. Dreya Mitchell added that flair and looked capable in getting into the weeds with Marina but the naivety to get too close made Shafir’s killer instinct prominent in victory.
For All The Marbles – Johnny Mystery defeated Sasquatch by pinfall for all the marbles.
Johnny Mystery tried to teach Sasquatch some wrestling which ended up with Johnny finding himself at the wrong end of things with Johnny sailing out of the ring after a missed springboard kick. Sasquatch tried to get Johnny Mystery back into the ring but sent Johnny chest first into the ropes and a fireman’s carry lead to Johnny’s head being dunted against the ring post. Sasquatch grabbed a refreshment but ended up water boarding Johnny with beer. Johnny just elevated to get into the ring himself, for his own good.
Sasquatch kept finding unintentional ways to hurt Johnny Mystery until a female Sasquatch arrived and got a little hands on with Johnny which upset Sasquatch. Johnny ducked in time to send Sasquatch into Mrs Sasquatch and start stringing a combo together. A Moonlight Drive got a two count with Johnny grabbing a table and set it up in the corner. Sasquatch tried to put Johnny through the table but was stopped by Mrs Sasquatch, who ate a spear from Johnny Mystery through the wood by accident. Sasquatch tried for Starship Pain with some encouragement from a recovered Johnny, the aerial attack obviously missed and Johnny Mystery landed original recipe Starship Pain to keep all the marbles.
The Sasquatch couple had a little dance to close the show, like Avengers Endgame.
Absolute stupidity, it was like an epilogue to the event that leaned fully into the absurdity of it all and I enjoyed it. Total slapstick but with how Mystery Wrestling being built on that anything can happen… literally, it was some real sports entertainment involved. A silly way to end the show.
It was a whole lot of variety on the table from Mystery Wrestling, some mad cameos, and some mad concepts made for an engaging event. The seats were packed and the noise was loud in the Church of Wrestling that embraced the wackiness. Considering it was All In weekend it was crazy to have Mark Davis, Jake Doyle, and Marina Shafir turn up. Mystery Wrestling truly lived up to the name.